Diana's Diary

a vault of venting and
a mausoleum of musings
(not to mention,
an abode of alliteration)

today's travails
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2003-10-05 - 10:08 p.m.

I am a melancholy idiot.

Survived weekend outing with JB and Ex, thanks in huge part to the buffering presences of Sam, Cam, and Cam's girlfriend. (Who ever would have thought even a couple of months ago that I would be grateful for Sam's presence? Well--perhaps if JB hadn't pitched that whole fit re: Willow and wanting "her firends to be her friends, not her friends' friends" then Sam and I could have found some common ground sooner.)

Anyway. Yes. Difficult to watch JB and Ex leaning all over each other all day. Slightly irritated to learn that Ex had been deployed to the Middle East and no one bothered to tell me.

Argh. If only I could just rest easy in the knowledge that I'll never see Ex again ever. But no, I have to see him every couple of years, randomly, without warning. The lack of communication between those times kills me. Ever since I left Los Angeles more than two years ago, all of my communications with Ex have been face-to-face and supervised by JB, which is so freaking frustrating. And she won't give me a way to contact him. Ugh ugh ugh. If I could just write him off completely and never have to think of him ever again, that would be fine. If I continued to see him every couple of years, but kept up some sort of email/phone communication in between times, that would also be okay. (In other words, all or nothing. Screw this in-between nonsense.)

When I got home tonight, it seemed like my copy of Hamilton's Mythology was staring at me accusingly from the bookshelf next to my bed. For about 5 minutes I seriously considered giving it to Cam to give to Ex. [There is a story behind that book. It was my dad's from when he was in high school. I appropriated it from my dad's home office when I was 14. I lent it to Ex when I was 16. He kept it until about three days before I left for college, which was more than 2 years. I was kind of a brat in how I demanded that he return it to me. I regret that now--I was being petty. It's funny, because that book was my dad's, and I don't have very many things that were my dad's now. But I kind of wish I could give it to Ex now. Does that make me incredibly screwed up?]

I also got a tiny sunburn today. Ugh. And I get to go to work tomorrow. Yay. (Sarcasm. Not just for breakfast anymore.)

-Diana

previous | next


2003-12-16 - Ow! My Nose!
2003-12-15 - 'Tis the Season...For Moving
2003-11-17 - Rush, Rush
2003-11-03 - Apartment Hunting Sucks
2003-10-22 - Apparently, "nauseated" is a good look for me.


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