Diana's Diary

2001-05-08 - 12:56 a.m.

What was the point, again?

There are days when I'd just like to chuck my computer. Or at least my modem. I've got a fairly active online life, and sometimes I have to stop and wonder why I even bother.

I'm so behind in SKEMERs letters that it's ridiculous. I've considering just dropping my membership and unsubscribing, but I'd feel bad. People would want an explanation, and I don't really have one. I've just lost interest. I think that the people there are a really cool bunch--SKEMERs is by far the least dysfunctional online community I've participated in--but I'm so out of the loop at this point on the rare occasions when I do read one of the newsletters, I don't know 75% of what's going on. But I keep thinking that maybe someday I'll get back into it.

The Shop[1] is pretty much a joke at this point. I don't think any of the would-be writers are getting anything out of it. I guess that could be blamed on me, the illustrious "director." Webmaster, newsletter sender-outer, whatever. Death by apathy. Nobody seems to care, which makes it hard for me because I really don't have the publishing experience to put together a useful newsletter every week. I need submissions. I've only got one regular contributer, who seems more interested in promoting her own work than in helping anyone else. Plus, I have to deal with bullshit like the guy who threatened to sue me because someone (not me) had badmouthed his magazine in one of the newsletters archived on the site. Ah, the benefits of being the so-called authority figure. I've been the director of The Shop for two and a half years now, and I didn't even want the damn position in the first place. I volunteered to help the person who originated the idea, and then when he had to bail, I was left dealing with everything. The Shop stopped being fun for me a long time ago. Now it's only a weekly obligation, and I have to wonder what would happen if I quit. Either the group would disband completely, or the Promoter would take over and promote herself into oblivion. And I really have to wonder whether I even care.

As for Daria fandom...can you say "dysfunctional psychopaths"? Well, not everybody there, but a lot of them. So much bickering and sniping and veiled flaming and personal attacks and people who think they are better than everyone else. It's getting really hard to go on the message boards there, because so many people are having their feelings really hurt. Those people need a tranquilizer or something. And I'm not enough of an "insider" there to be effective as a peacemaker. I go away feeling sad and disgusted, yet I keep going back.

I'm addicted to the internet, and it's not even making me happy. Is this what it's like for crack addicts? It seems great at first, but as time goes by, you realise that it's just sucking up your energy and depressing you in the process?

I'm glad I have a Real Life, too. A lot of these people don't.

-Diana

[1] I considered posting a link to The Shop, but I'm not feeling particularly proud of The Shop at the moment, so I don't feel like promoting it.

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2003-12-16 - Ow! My Nose!
2003-12-15 - 'Tis the Season...For Moving
2003-11-17 - Rush, Rush
2003-11-03 - Apartment Hunting Sucks
2003-10-22 - Apparently, "nauseated" is a good look for me.

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