Diana's Diary

2001-06-06 - 10:14 p.m.

Stupid emotions.

Well, today I attended my very last college class. I thought I'd feel something, but I didn't. Maybe I'll feel something on Monday when I finish finals. Or maybe at graduation.

Right now I'm just blah about the whole college thing.

That probably has something to do with what happened on Monday. I'm still all screwy in the brain. Today is better than yesterday was, and Lord knows that yesterday was better than Monday, so that gives me hope, anyway.

After playing one-sided phone tag (that's when I leave a ton of messages but she doesn't call me back) with JB for two days, I finally got through a couple of hours ago. That was the first non-email communication I've had with her since before the whole incident. She wanted elaboration on the rambling e-mail I sent her on Monday night, I wanted elaboration about Ex being back in California. It was not a particularly satisfying conversation for me.

Goddamn Ex, and goddamn my feelings. Frustration about him and JB. Sad that we don't talk anymore. Upset that he never acknowledged my letter. Resigned because I know that there's not anything there anymore...and sad about it. "I'll love you forever," my ass.

Being written off feels cold.

And you remember how I was so completely over this a while ago? Okay, yeah, so I'm a liar. But it's a hell of a lot easier to deal with when we're not in the same country. Hell. I'm not even angry about it anymore, I'm just sad.

Stupid emotions.

-Diana

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2003-12-16 - Ow! My Nose!
2003-12-15 - 'Tis the Season...For Moving
2003-11-17 - Rush, Rush
2003-11-03 - Apartment Hunting Sucks
2003-10-22 - Apparently, "nauseated" is a good look for me.

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